Still waiting!

So, don't really know why, but Jermile and I decided to take some maternity pictures for the sake of having some, and since there is not much we can do with them, here you go! I just so felt the need to sit down and blog, even though I really should be writing a paper! This is more fun. I have been doing the Beth Moore study of Esther and man, is it kicking my butt. I am just so drawn to share everything the Lord has been teaching me through it and it is coming at the perfect time. Of course, if you are familiar with the book at all, you know Mordecai's famous words in 4:14, "What's more, who can say but that you have been elevated to the palace FOR JUST SUCH A TIME AS THIS?" Can I admit how absolutely terrified I am to begin my journey as a mom? I have so much to learn myself and have so much about myself that I truly detest and here I am about to try my best at training a child in the Lord. But, with that said, God has truly engulfed me in this study "for such a time as this." What I have been learning: Our only steadfast defenses against life's certain uncertainty is unconditional trust in a Savior who loves us more than His own life, living with constant fear is harder than trusting, God is more aware than we are of just how much He requires of us, He knows how hard it is going to be for us, what would have happened if Esther had waited to go to the king until her hands stopped shaking and her heart stopped pounding?, God is proud of us for fighting overwhelming human emotions to do His will, He is not interested in stellar performance, but in our hearts, He loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities, Christ's purpose is calling us to deny ourselves is that we'd deny our selfishness, ambition, pasts or damaged emotions that cheat us of His far higher plans for us (huge for me).

In light of Caleb coming at this time in my life, God has truly taught me through his precious Word of Esther. It's not about me! It never has been, but that truth has never been so real as it is now. Some things from this study that have hit me in the butt on this…He knows that nothing leaves us more hollow than being full of ourselves, we form mental strongholds toward those who won't give us what we want or need, sometimes they have quit giving us something they once did and we want it back, perhaps they broke the rules or the relationship (how much could Christ say this about us???), admitting you have an area of brokenness is a huge step toward wholeness, lose yourself to something greater, in doing so, you find Christ as you have never known Him before, we can start discover that a part of ourselves resembles Him (Lord, I pray in some way, I resemble You!), God is deeply attentive to our most secret concerns, hopes and hurts, we don't have to think highly of ourselves to think obsessively of ourselves, do you jump to the conclusion that others are either praising YOU or even criticizing YOU (most likely, its not about you at all!), no one has further to fall than the one who sets himself up, the humble, on the other hand, will be lifted in due time, all will fall before God's throne, hopefully, we just won't have far to fall!

As Jermile and I await this little one, God is continuing to teach me that although my life is about to turn upside down in a way I never knew possible, He knows and something else from Esther He is reiterating to me is that a frightening circumstance may remain exactly the same, but God's child does not have to or need to.

I know this was long, but I just really am bursting with everything He is teaching me and am thankful that He is doing it at exactly this time in my life.